Saturday, January 24, 2009

It comes with sunshine this morning

pagi ini bersamaan dengan jatuhnya embun pagi *karena pagii banget* ada sms masuk ke hape gue, pesannya singkat...

" Morning sunshine, already wake up for a new day :)?

bolak balik gue kucek-kucek mata.. " Gak salah nih, dia ngirim ke gue??"

semenit, dua menit gue tunggu sms konfirmasi dari pihak bersangkutan... tapi ga ada...

dengan bingung dan deg-deg an gue balas sms nya

"uh-huh.. baru aja.."

Tulisan itu terasa mengambang....

Dengan setengah ogah-ogahan gue bangun dari tidur gue, menatap kembali ke layar hape, merapal sms itu... kemudian membuka inbox dan membaca sms2 tadi malam...

lalu teringat percakapan gue dengan seorang sahabat kemaren di salah satu food court mall surabaya...

" Gue bingung harus jelasin ke elu kayak apa..."

"sekarang gue kasih loe option, loe mending milih pergi pelan-pelan sampe loe bisa ngelupain dia, atau loe tetep bertahan dengan dia meskipun loe tersakiti?"

" kalo dalam keadaan sadar kayak sekarang, gue akan pilih no 1.. tapi ada bagian dari diri gue yang akan memaksa gue untuk memilih no 2. lagian kalo sekarang gue milih no 2, gak adil buat si "mas" dan gue gak mau ngulangin kesalahan yang sama seperti gw SMA dulu"

yah.. gue ngerti betapa hancurnya Bella *read new moon* waktu ditinggal edward, meskipun ia tahu bahwa itu untuk kebaikan dan ekselamatan nyawanya sendiri...

gue tahu hampanya, gue tahu sakitnya, dan gue tahu rasanya jadi "zombie" karena setengah hidup loe ilang, nguap gitu aja tanpa loe bisa melawan, tanpa loe bisa mempertahankan sama sekali... itu yang gue rasakan waktu "abang" menghilang demi kebaikan gue *begitu katanya* okey... he's a lil bit dangerous for me, i admitt it.

dan sosok lain datang, perlahan... menjadi seorang teman yang menyenangkan, dengan tingkat kejayusan yang akut *bukan kronis lagi!* yang mengajarkan gue untuk speak my mind, my will, dan bete bgt kalo gue udah mulai pasrahan...

* kayaknya gue bisa bikin novel sendiri nih*

yeah... maybe i was ur sunshine... but rite now,(maybe) i'm his sunshine...
walau gue gak yakin dengan perasaan gue sekarang.. tapi gue gak mo meninggalkan dia dan membuat satu kebodohan yang sama seperti dulu... membuat satu hati terluka lagi. Tadi malam dia sms, ada satu baris di kata2 nya yang bikin gue bingung

" juga ga bs melarang, aq bukan siapa2 kamu, jadi up 2 u aja.."

sebenernya dia nganggap dirinya sendiri tuh siapa ku?
hehh... satu kebingungan lagi nambah...

balik lagi ke sms tadi pagi...

setelah baca smsnya dan setelah gue sadar bener *nyawa gue kekumpul smua*
Gw harus ketemu sama dia, gw mo meluk dia *satu hal yg dari dulu pengen gue lakukan*,Gw mo bilang gw sayang ama dia... tapi udah saatnya gue pergi.. dan udah terlambat buat dia mencegah kepergian gue....


Unknown said...

Hayo itu siapa ??? hahahah

exort said...

nice story....main2 ke blog gw ya...ada crt yg nyentuh jg...:)

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